I still dislike photos. 95% of the time I am fine with the whole Body Acceptance thing and the not
dieting thing and all that jazz. Then you get all dressed up in an outfit you have been planning
for ages (in this case my brother-in-law’s wedding), you’ve tried the outfit on several times, the
accessories match, you’ve had your hair done and you check out your reflection. You feel fabulous.
Then two things happen – the first is some bitch gives you ‘the look’. You know – that up and down
thing. That’s OK – I just smiled sweetly at her and went to the bar with my daughter and to meet my
hubby who was best man. And then some utter bastard takes a photo of you on their iphone and
shows you it. And you want to cry. All your illusions are shattered. You look old enough to be your
husband’s mother and bigger than everyone else and you want to cry. It spoils your whole day. You
refuse to get up and dance because of your enormous jiggly arse and sit in your jacket all day so as
not to offend anyone with your massive bingo wings.
I blame technology. Years ago, someone took a photo of you on a night out and you saw it a month
later after it had come back from Boots. Now you can instantly see what you look like. People who
are supposed to be your friends tag you in photos you would never want to be seen in on Facebook.
There is no hiding place from the damned things!
I am exaggerating a bit. Yes, I did feel all of the above emotions, but that was partly due to a touch
of PMT and partly due to the stress of meeting all my husband‘s friends from his past for the first
time. He comes from quite a small place and he broke away from the ‘in crowd’ of people he grew
up with just before he met me 8 years previously, so it was the first time he had seen a lot of them
too. I am ten years older than my husband, which doesn’t bother either of us, but on this one day all
my insecurities came back to bite me in the (big) bum.
Having said that I had a great day – I met some lovely people and reminded myself that some people
will always judge you and some won’t – that’s life and is not exclusive to those of us of a certain age
or size. I still hate photos, but again, so do a lot of people and I probably just need to get some ones
done that I do like and get used to it or maybe it s something that I will always hate.
And how do I feel now? Well, its four days later and I did have a bit of a wobble, I admit. I started
thinking about dieting again, but this made me have a bit of a chocolate moment (again probably
linked to my PMT) and was not helped by the diet tribe at work going on and on about weight losses
etc. But I spoke to some ex-dieting friends and we pulled it all back into perspective. So no, I am
NOT going back on a diet, and yes I am going to tune back in more this week.
I might even just buy some new jeans, take a photo and tag myself in them on Facebook.